I wake up from a nightmare. I was in a room, panicking and surrounded by women and children. They were all looking at me angrily and asking for milk. I was blank: what milk were they talking about?Before I got to ask, my question’s answered. Your milk dummy. I had no idea why I was supposed to give my milk away but I was panicking. I don’t have so much milk! What was I supposed to do? Before I know it, I wake up, thankfully, only to find my daughter hungrily sucking her thumb. She’s got her i-need-my-sleep genes from me I think, as she doesn’t even wake up to ask for milk at night. She just sucks her thumb vigorously and mewls a bit. I am supposed to be alert at all times and even when I am asleep I have to keep my ears open for that chug chug sound. Constant vigilance-that’s my motto. I rub her feet, check her diaper, coo at her and extremely reluctantly she opens her eyes and stares at me. By the time I’ve got my feeding cushion on, she grunts angrily saying (I think), it’s been more than five minutes since you’ve been up, where’s my milk? I hurry as I don’t want her father to wake and neither do I want her to start screaming. She’s making that face, Mishka, hurry up now, I tell myself. I quickly pick her up before the scream leaves her throat, and start feeding her. Immediately she starts to cry as she has zero patience. She doesn’t even want to wait for a minute for the milk to come. I coo at her, she gives me the look which says, fine I’ll try to be more patient but the milk better come soon. She suckles for a minute then looks at me and howls. I look at her puzzled: ab kya hua? It’s the I-don’t-want-milk-from-this-side cry. So I quickly change side and offer her milk from her favourite side. She suckles for 10 minutes and then I hear a slight snore. I look down to see my baby’s gone off to sleep! I burp her, pat her cheeks, rub her feet, hands, nothing helps. There’s a saying in Bengali: ghoomiye kaadaa (literal translation: one who sleeps so deeply that he turns soft and mushy like mud) and that applies to her completely. There’s not much you can do to wake her up.I sigh. It’s going to be a long night. In two hours, she’s sucking her thumbs again. She was so good for several weeks, where she would have a proper feed at dinner time and wake up once straight at 5 am. And now she asks for milk every three hours even in the daytime. I am panicking, is my milk not enough for her? But if she wasn’t getting proper milk she wouldn’t be putting on weight so steadily, would she now? I just have a healthy, hungry baby in hand, who’s turned my milk supply into a nightmare for me.This is going to be a long week, methinks.
There was no question about it for me. Of course I’d go for normal delivery; I didn’t even give it a moment’s thought. My eldest sister had her first child when she was 38 through normal delivery, surely I could do it too?My second sister was tricked into c-sec by her gyne, so there was no way I’d trust these doctors. I was going to quit my job and shift base to my parents’ place for the duration of my pregnancy so I decided I would do my own research and listen to whatever my doctor said with a pinch of salt. I found a good gyne almost immediately after coming to Cal. I told her right at the beginning that I wanted to go for natural. The minute I said it, she discouraged me. You have rheumatoid arthritis, she said, you may not be able to push properly and I will not use forceps. Forceps? Just the thought of using those to pull out my baby freaked the life out of me. However, her discouragement made me even more determined to go for natural. I, who hated exercise of any form, started doing yoga. Lara Dutta’s prenatal yoga workout is brilliant by the way. The exercise routine was great for me. There were some bits that I couldn’t do because of my arthritis, but even for that there was solution in the workout. Then my husband’s cousin shared an absolute brilliant 4 and a half hour video on childbirth and related breathing and pushing exercises with me. For the last four months of my pregnancy, I practised everything as suggested in the video to the T. I wish I could share that too here but I don’t have the online version of it. I had read up that rheumatoid arthritis actually benefits from the pregnancy hormones and if that were to be the case, why would it affect me at child birth? I took my medicines (I was only allowed HCQS and my calcium medicine through my pregnancy) diligently. My gyne asked me to get my heart checked (apparently RA affects your heart) and everything came out normal. I was excited and happy, all prepared for normal delivery. Continue reading “C-Sec or normal?”
Week: 36 +5 days
Time: 9:37 am
Lack of proper sleep: 3 weeks +
It’s just been an hour that I’ve been awake and I am already falling asleep. I am really looking forward to it being 2:30 in the afternoon so that I can go to sleep. You may be wondering why I am so tired considering I am jobless and don’t do much work at home.
Try sleeping with a watermelon of a stomach and see how much you sleep in the first place. And FYI, if you thought that you had to follow a hundred rules while you were awake to ensure your baby’s growth, you are dreaming. For even when you are, you’ve got to follow the rules. Don’t sleep on your stomach (that won’t be possible anyway even if you tried), don’t sleep on your back, try not to sleep on your right side. So what options are you left with? One position, that’s it. Sleep on your left side.
This is the post excerpt.
Yes, this is yet another blog on pregnancy and parenting. But this is an honest-to-god one. I never had the real picture of how pregnancy would be till I experienced it. My understanding of it was based on movies, where you throw up once, the whole world starts rejoicing and you spend the entire pregnancy happily, sucking on kaccha aam. All the discomfort only happens in the ninth month. Oh and you get crazy cravings in the middle of the night. I have two elder sisters who’ve had children and they never shared the true picture with me. The only new thing I learnt from them was that apparently you get a bad case of PMS. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought how difficult would it be?When I spent the first week of my pregnancy throwing up every morning, and discovered that my sense of smell has become like a dog’s, I realised just how badly mistaken I was. The first thing I did was buy What to expect when you’re expecting (that book was my bible throughout my pregnancy) and then I read blogs. I was never into writing blogs or reading them till I got pregnant. And I found out just how helpful blogs were. I am the controlling, panicky sort of mother (it’s my first pregnancy/child, I should be given some slack!) who needs to know and understand pretty much every movement the baby makes, inside the womb and out!Most of the blogs I read during my pregnancy were written by Americans, and though they helped, I wished there were some useful blogs written by women based in India. That’s what motivated me to start this blog. I’ve just had my baby, my tiny little Pocahontas, on 6th of October. I plan to share my pregnancy experiences in this blog, and how I learn to cope with motherhood-my successes, my failures, fears and frustrations.