I suffer from laziness. Not just the kind of laziness that you see in people. I am lazy in every sense of the word. It’s in my bones, my mind. I like to do nothing else but to laze around. But when I get active, I am a different person altogether. Super charged, burning the night candle. I am two opposite persons. Maybe my moon sign is Gemini? I don’t really know. My alter ego, or the nag, is a completely different person. It is she who essentially pushes me around to do things. Me, I am the lazy one. I love to procrastinate. I often don’t reply to messages just because I feel lazy. And then I feel mortified at behaving so badly. Especially when they are people you don’t really know. Especially when they have seen the blue ticks. Then days become weeks, I end up losing sleep over this. But do I do something about it? You see, I am inherently lazy.
The bigger problem I face with is that I have a tremendously strong conscience. Or maybe it’s just my active alter ego. I don’t know. But its presence is very strong. It’s almost annoying. I can’t shake it off me even for a second. So, this voice keeps reminding me of all the things I am doing wrong and that I should do something about them. But you see, I am lazy. I can’t get myself to do something about it. Thinking about the right course of action is too much effort. So, I don’t. Till the voice in my head becomes so loud that I feel my head would burst. But how do you explain to someone that you didn’t do something because you were lazy? So, I make up some lame excuse which invariably involves my daughter. I say things like my daughter kept me so busy that I clean forgot to reply to you. That wouldn’t be a complete lie. My daughter does keep me on my toes and I try to use my phone as little as possible in her presence. But I don’t forget to reply. At least not always. I invariably remember right before going to sleep because that awful nag makes sure to remind me of it. But do I do something about it? You see, I am inherently lazy.
Then there’s my darling daughter. Let’s call her N. She is an extremely active soul but just like me loves a good lyadh now and then, especially after waking up. I do love the French language. Too bad I can’t speak or write it well. I am not very good with languages. But I do like the sound of it. And some of their words. See, they have a word for waking and a separate word for rising and getting out of bed. I think the French too, mostly suffer from lyadh. So, we nous reveillons but then only we nous levons after spending a considerable amount of time rolling in the bed and doing nothing.
How I love to do nothing! Though I suppose even when you’re not doing anything, you’re doing something. Nevertheless, I love it. As a teen, I used to be super excited when my parents would go out somewhere and I would have the whole house to myself. Not that I would do anything significant. But I just liked the idea of being able to laze around with no one around. I would hate it if anyone called or rang the bell. I just liked being on my own. Most of the time I would day dream. Day dreaming is really the most amazing thing. You can be anything you want, be anywhere you want, have the kind of friends and family you want. Who wants to be interrupted by reality? I didn’t want to waste a minute of my free time and always planned it out carefully. I didn’t like anything to interrupt my reverie. My mother would invariably give me some dreary work to do while she was out, so I made sure I finished everything I was told to do as quickly as possible, and then, do nothing. I didn’t do anything of consequence in this free time like reading or doing something constructive. Those things I could do with the parents around too. I just flitted from room to room instead, dreaming of a fantastic life which I believed in fiercely, sang loudly, played games on the computer, took an hour to shower and sang loudly and danced while bathing. Oh! What a life it was! Even thinking about it brings a smile to my face.
Once I started to work, mata char gayi, or the nag took over. Thankfully, I was back to being the old me once my baby was here. I have also been incredibly lucky as I could afford to be lazy even with a baby around.
I hate Sundays. It’s the one day of the week where neither of my maids come AND my husband has office. That means I have to do everything by myself. I ensure I have a good stock of koka and maggi so that I don’t have to cook a thing for myself. I just make N’s food. Though I love spending the whole day with her, it involves too much physical exertion. And she does love to run around. The nag reminds me that it’s a good thing as I have started to look like a triangle, with my butt cheeks as the two corners. (I always had a problem with that though; even when I was reed thin. My roommate used to call me Buttoo. Now of course, it’s grown out of proportion.) I cannot laze around as much as I do the rest of the week. N’s ayah takes her out to play so I get a couple of hours to do nothing and it means that I am spared a significant portion of the physical exertion. Then N takes her noon nap. At that time, I quickly finish whatever household work there is and take a bath. If I am lucky, I get some more time to do nothing. Then, in the evenings, since my husband often ends up working really late, once she goes off to sleep I have time to do nothing again.
Only now, in my nothing time, I actually end up doing some constructive stuff too. Like reading, or making something for N. So, my nothing time has actually just been reduced to being called free time. I don’t have the opportunity to day dream anymore. Reality has made such a strong impression on me that I can’t seem to shake it off. I have become too pragmatic. Too practical. I spend my time thinking about all the things that need to be done. Like my daughter’s vaccine. Getting to exercise. But then I think if I am to have another baby, shouldn’t I just have it and then start to exercise? I mean what’s the point of so much hard work if I am going to put on weight again? So, I contemplate every single day and do nothing about it. You see, I am inherently lazy.